everything

I've become hopelessly speechless. The thought of clicking the shutter or penning a word seems like a huge commitment. I've been ignoring my inbox, even if it contains mostly thoughtful emails from you. Overwhelmed with life, in the truest of senses. I've been hiding my head under a blanket this past week and I'm not sure I'm ready to resurface.


But I have, even if only for the afternoon, to show you this video. My mother recently got our family's super 8 movies transferred to dvd and I've been slowly going through the clips. This is  my mom at 27 or 28, with her horse Maximilien. I wanted to save it for a special occasion because it is really the most favorite and cherished thing I've ever posted, but I couldn't. When words fail, I think I'll just let beautiful things speak for themselves.

72 comments:

  1. that is absolutely beautiful. the love.

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  2. oh how beautiful. there's nothing prettier than a girl and her beloved horse.

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  3. Old family movies always put a smile on my face. Thanks for sharing yours. I think it's just that time of year for a long winter's nap. I'm going to go break out my blanket too right now.

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  4. I wish I had footage of my mother when she was young.
    I'd love to see how she moved without the weight of adulthood on her shoulders.

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  5. super sweet. thanks for sharing.

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  6. sometimes a little hibernation from the world is all we need. until a small push comes from within of new bravery and lights the fire of self purpose :)
    (as charlotte says, "keep your chin up, wilbur")

    this clip is beautiful!

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  7. So charming. Pictures are wonderful, but it's really special to have family movies.

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  8. So sweet!! It's a priviledge to be privy to such beautiful moments :)
    Thank you for sharing!!

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  9. oh i just love it. i'm having another i-wish-i-could-invite-you-over-for-peanut-butter-and-honey-sandwiches moment. i love the things you think are special and beautiful and treasured.

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  10. just so lovely and sweet. the kind that makes you smile and want to cry at the same time. so special. thank you for sharing.

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  11. That was so, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

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  12. I think I held me breath the entire time. ...stunning

    I so feel you on the overwhelm and hiding. Stay under those covers as long as you can!
    Your voice will return, it always does.
    It's sure hard not to be scared a little when you feel that emptiness. Or at least it always is for me.

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  13. the horse and your mom and her dress and the video are all GORGEOUS.

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  14. Many years ago I ran into an acquaintance whom I hadn't seen for a while and when I asked how she was she said she'd been depressed and I, of course, offered my sympathy. I'll always remember what she said, "At least I got to stay in bed and eat chocolate!"

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  15. beautiful video, my grandmother gave me all the footage she took plus her old camera, hopefully someday i'll get around to converting it and taking my own films!
    what's the song playing in the video? i recognize it but can't remember what it's from, haha

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  16. yes, yes, i know this feeling of lost words...

    your mother is incredibly beautiful!!

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  17. Time to shake the NYC dust from your shoes kiddo!

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  18. Simply beautiful! Thanks for posting...

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  19. Beautiful video! I love your mom's dress.

    Also, may I recommend reading John O'Donohue's "Blessing for the One Who is Exhausted". Sounds like a perfect occassion.

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  20. this is adorable and beautiful! I love it thank you for sharing with us.. now go back under your covers until your ready to come out again :)

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  21. egads that's beautiful! thanks for sharing it. love your mom's smile and purple dress

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  22. So inspiring and nostalgic, even if it is not my personal memory. And of course, anything put to the soundtrack of Satie becomes even more beautiful.

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  23. I have a tear in my eye, Amy. Hope you resurface soon...xo.

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  24. Maybe spring will help this general malaise? What a truly gorgeous clip--with Debussy as the perfect soundtrack. This makes thirty years seem like nothing. That could have been yesterday, yet it wasn't.
    Anyways--beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

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  25. Thank you, Amy! your posts bring me so much joy and light :)

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  26. from another horse crazy girl, I totally get your mom's happiness with Max......this makes me want to go see my Missy now.

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  27. This is absolutely beautiful, and I love the piece of music you chose to score it with. Thank you...

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  28. Holy crap...I don't know if it's because of the Erik Satie soundtrack (my piano recital: age 14) or how beautiful the footage is of your mother, but I am overwhelmed with nostalgia. Well done amy, you made me cry!

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  29. thank you so so much for sharing this. the only thing better than old special photographs, are movies like this. i wish my family had more, beautiful post!
    x

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  30. One of the things we love about you Ms. Amy is are all getting to know you so well! I bet you haven't spent the whole week under a blanket feeling sorry for yourself... you are simply recovering from a major push to get some exciting work completed. Stuff that will make great talk when (and if) you want to share it.

    You deserve to chill... If you can, we can!
    Our world would be a far better place if we all allowed for some serious snuggling up in a blanket time.

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  31. I must have watched this about 5 times. I love the galloping horse and the swishing dress. The smile makes me smile. Oh... to be in a field patting 2 old horses. That's a treasure!

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  32. Beautiful and touching. Thank you for sharing!

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  33. ...This is beautiful. You are your mother's daughter, cut from the same cloth; you both are beautiful and your smiles are genuine.

    ...Don't be too hard on yourself, you're in a funk. We've all been there and it eventually passes, it always does. :o)

    ...Thank you for sharing the lovely video!

    ...Blessings... :o)

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  34. Thank you for sharing this with us. It truly made my day, and makes me think of my mom and her horse.

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  35. How strange. You've just described exactly how I've been feeling lately. If I muster up the will to go out and take pictures, it then takes me a week to actually come up with some words to go with them.

    I am so envious of your being able to hide under the covers though. All I want right now is a week alone under the covers. Turns out 3-year-olds don't let you do that. Ugh...

    That video... so breathtaking.

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  36. That video took my breath away. Your mother was the definition of lovely. What a precious gift to have video footage of her as a young woman.

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  37. That's absolutely beautiful.

    I have a 5 year old Mustang and I really need to get some better video of us. She is just majestic to see, and I don't make it out to the suburbs nearly as much as I'd like to visit her.

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  38. The crazy thing is that just yesterday I was walking around surrounded by beautiful things to document, photograph and write about but I couldn't bring myself to do any of it...I just wanted the freeness of just being there.

    You definitely deserve it...no pressure, we love you and what you do should always come from a free happy place...when you are ready we'll still be here.

    Just be :)

    Thank you for sharing such a lovely family treasure.

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  39. How beautiful! Thank you for sharing this.

    As for hiding under blankets, this is February... and if there's one month out of the year I could happily throw in the bin, it's February. I'm right there with you.

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  40. this is so, so special amy! you look so much like your beautiful momma! i showed this video to ed and he thinks y'all look so much alike too :) love that you have this!

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  41. this is so special, so precious. time just softens.
    thank you for sharing something so beautiful and personal. xo.

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  42. This is so special Amy! I got chills while watching it. It's like I was watching you! You both have the same exact smile. Beautiful xo

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  43. there's nothing like old family videos. I once saw a video of my mum aged four at the zoo with her siblings... she looked just like me!

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  44. that was beautiful. and it made me feel melancholy. time is so fleeting.

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  45. So lovely and beautiful. Is there any way that you could share where your mother got her super-8 films converted? I have been searching for somewhere to send my family's, but I want to know that the company is trustworthy.

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  46. While the movie is evocative of what is good in life, being outside, freedom and love between pet and person. Past and present. Especially it being a time machine of your very own mom...

    But what speaks the loudest about this beautiful post is that you would treasure this, It says more about your character and your values than it does anything else.

    I love how you love.
    Your mom is so blessed to be loved by you

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  47. Nothing gets between a girl and her horse.

    Love the post. What a wonderful thing to have!
    Cheers!!

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  48. i wonder does she still have that dress (so you can wear it!)?

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  49. Resurface already!:-) I am a reader from across the globe and I find your posts very inspiring. Reading them feels like coming home which is weird at the very least because we absolutely have nothing in common(except gender, I think)but yes- reading your posts comforts me on a very primal level. Just want you to know we read you over here (in the Philippine Islands) and we like what we're reading very much. :-)- Raine (raine_storm2002@yahoo.com)

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  50. This is lovely. I also struggle with feeling stuck and overwhelmed and hopeless at times. When you're trying so hard to get everything you want from life, and to live it in the best way, it's very easy to lose yourself in the effort. Keep your head up.

    www.inazigzagworld.blogspot.com

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  51. sometimes no words are the right words.

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  52. Oh wow. That is such a sweet video. Thank you for sharing. Your mom is beautiful and looks gorgeous and regal in that purple dress. So sweet.

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  53. simply lovely. hope your feeling better soon.

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  54. Google Reader recommended your blog to me. I've never held any sense of taste for photoblogs, but you write the most magnificent sentences. Thanks.

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  55. eagerly awaiting your next post, miss amy merrick.
    your mom is something else- the apple does not fall far from the tree, i think.
    my door is open if you ever need a days break in "wild and crazy" new jersey:) we'd make you lunch, go walking, make a mess with flowers and things we found and just do nothing:)

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  56. Aww, now I'm all worried about you and stuff. Hope everything's okay! Also just last week I 'discovered' Erik Satie, downloaded a bunch of his stuff, and have just been listening to it. It's the perfect soundtrack to this time of year, don't you think? The Gymnopedies and Gnossienne and so on and so forth. And such a beautiful horse. Your mom obviously loved him very much.

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  57. this is just the most beautiful thing ever. ever.

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  58. life is a cruel yet sympathetic beast. today is my birthday. my uncle committed suicide two years ago today. the ebb and flow, the change of life are the most beautiful parts of it. i developed a slight phobia of celebrating positive things in my life because for a while there, people kept dying on my special days. but in the end, i somehow learned to feel closer to what and whom i've lost because I am the constant entity. you are too. my best energies to you.

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  59. Sarah,

    Yes, the dress is still in the family. I have it and cherish it! It nettles Amy. I took an early intreat in moms bohemian wardrobe and made out with the best of the bunch. sorry :(

    Amy,

    You can barrow this dress whenever you like. I would love to see you in it.

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  60. if sorrow helps us to withstand pressures just as a stone does undergo in caverns or beneath the ground to crystallize than these fleeting magical images you have just shown here are proof of your strength to see beauty even in dark times. thanks lady!

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  61. Thank you very much for sharing your treasured most beautiful film footage with your faithful readers. Your mother so beautiful!

    I understand the life feeling overwhelming at times, for some time, experience and am grateful that you chose to peek out to post this lovely video. I trust the process and believe you will turn back the blankets and rejoin the rest of your life when you are ready. junemoon

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  62. wow, that's so lucky to have! my dad has some videos of when he was a toddler (late 50's). i haven't seen them all because he just thinks it's boring & he lives pretty far. i'd really like some of my mum though.

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  63. Just discovered your blog, and this video of your mom and her horse has left me speechless. Super 8 is so powerful and the images are just beautiful.

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  64. You look so much like your mom. Thank you for all the beauty that you share!

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  65. Grateful you resurfaced. Your window on the world is incredibly, gauzily sumptious. And 'ignoring' work emails -- or any other kind -- is a powerful, good thing to do sometimes.

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  66. Thank you for sharing something so dear to you. It was truly beautiful.

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